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10-Dec-2017 09:55

Restraint is the elusive virtue now required of you, to keep from giving too much unwelcome advice or asking too many nosy questions.

After years of hands-on parenting, you may bristle at how often you must bite your tongue as your children make both smart and foolish decisions.

You may struggle with the want-to-fix-its, but if you jump in too quickly to unravel grown kids' dilemmas, their important problem-solving muscles won't have a chance to develop.

That said, there are still times during your kids' 20s when you do have to voice your concerns and get involved even if your kids don't want you to (and even if you aren't happy stepping in yourself).

If conflict does start to escalate, dial it down by listening to them without interrupting and then commenting in a neutral tone.

When that's not possible, taking a time-out for both sides to calm down is as useful at this stage as it was during their toddler years.

Many parents will go to great lengths to carve out time and activities that work for their grown children.

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The best part, most agreed, is "the friendship that emerges along with the adult." But even a good relationship with grown kids may have its pitfalls.When kids were young, family time happened inevitably.